Top five reasons IGN can suck it

If you are a common reader of the website IGN you have probably read the article about Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim... and how it's apparently going to be steamrolled by another game, Dark Souls.
If you haven't read it yet, check it out here, But I bet after reading a couple paragraphs you will see why I titled this article the way I did.

Here's the thing: I don't trust IGN. why? well this might actually might sound a little childish, but IGN is a branch of another site, Gamespot. Actually I think Gamespot is branching off IGN but whatever. Y'see, Gamespot has become somewhat infamous for having a rather... biased opinion, and that some reviews are 'paid off'. Not to say all of their reviews are, but after that fiasco about Kane & Lynch and the sacking of an employee would you trust them?

The key-word for both IGN and Gamespot is 'Biased', which is a writer's worst weakness, and in the above-mentioned article on Skyrim I am getting that bias vibe. well, less biased and more complete blindness on just how ignorent and obnoxious they are really being.

 Problem #1
Bitching about multiplayer

Aparrently, having no multiplayer means that your game sucks. Didn't one guy say once that 'A game should be able to stand on singleplayer alone'? can't remember the name of him though...
Okay, IGN didn't say that having no MP means that your game will blow, but not only did they hint it, but they insult Bethesda for not having MP, saying they '...either didn't deem it important enough, didn't care to make time for it or didn't have the imagination to bring something on this scale to life.' err... Bullshit.

IGN are basically saying the Bethesda are lazy, which is a big fat F'ing lie. What do IGN what from them? They give a HUGE land for you to traverse, have hundreds of quests for you to complete and even throw in completely AI depentant dragons for you to slay. If thats not enough to entertain you for 6 months or so, then I am completely lost to what is. The Elder Scrolls games are and should always be a singleplayer experience. you can't just throw in MP and expect it to work. what did Beth' say? "We always look into multiplayer, put lots of ideas on the whiteboard and it always loses. It's not that we don't like it. I can think of ways it would be a lot of fun. At the end of the day, that dev time is going to take away from doing the best single-player game we can, and that's where our hearts are."That was from the IGN article by the way, so even when IGN are AWARE that MP Skyrim is just not possible and they still talk bull-balls about Beth being lazy slags, I think that explains itself. Assholes.

Problem #2
Pricing and DLC

Here they critisize the fact that Beth' chose a different marketing scheme to Namco. Bethesda made it so that the retail prize for the standard game is $59.99 (thats £38.50 to us Brits) and that the special edition will cost a whopping $149.99 (£96.25 in quids). Yeah, A bit steep, but what does it come with? A small statue, artbook, map, and a 'making-of' DVD. So it does balance out.

Namco dicide, however to make it that there will only be one version of the game, selling for £38.50, but the people who pre-order or buy the game just as it hits the shelves you will get a limited collecter's tin, which comes with, and I quote "...a limited edition hardcover artbook, plus a digital download token for the digital soundtrack of the game, digital mini-strategy guide, and digital behind the scenes making of videos."
C'mon. What would YOU rather have: a statue, map and artbook, or an artbook and a couple of new documents on your computer that you could just find on the net for free? not to mention, DS's limited edition is, well... limited. while it is cheaper, It's gonna get real hard to find the limited copies after the release. Skyrim's special, however will be sticking around for a while.

So to summarize, Skyrim's special edition is awesome but expensive, while DS's special sucks dick but is more cost efficient. You know what I say? Quality over quantity. Strangly enough though, the Skyrim special has more and reeks with quality. so again, Skyrim wins.

Now DLC, Skyrim has comfirmed DLC, ranging from '$10-15 apiece, plus weapons and armor for a few bucks more.' Nothing wrong with that, now is there? DS has no confirmed DLC, But IGN sees that as a good thing. They say that 'Skyrim fans can expect to wait months or more for the 'final' feature complete version, aka the 'Ultimate Edition' that will cost less than buying the game at launch and all the DLC/expanded content put together.' DLC may cost, but the whole point of DLC is that Beth' can make expansion packs and/or new stuff whenever, while DS has only the initial content. The content may be very expansive, but they won't be able to sell so much if they're not gonna release expansion DLC. They'll probably save that for a full retail prise game or maybe they won't bother at all.
Again, maybe the vanilla game will be enough, but then again, Skyrim in vanilla will be enough as well.

Problem #3
Epic Scope

Skyrim wins immediately!
well, okay. let's give DS a chance, because I am aware that DS is the under-dog in this de-bate. IGN say 'You could not explore all of Tamriel in Oblivion; Skyrim takes place in another division of land within Tamriel.'

Well, Tamriel is a gargantuan world. If they somehow managed to fit Tamriel into one game It would probably become thin. sort of stretched, like butter spread over too much bread. having said that though, It would be awesome to explore the entire world of the Elder Scrolls, but technolegy hasn't become advanced enough. maybe on the the next Xbox console, maybe. Besides, the game is called SKYRIM! so it's gonna be set in skyrim, is it not?

Now Dark Souls has 'a massive and deadly labyrinth of secrets, traps, enemies, and godlike bosses, many of which are unique and all placed within the world with the careful calculation of a development team.' and '(is) like Metroid and Castlevania, where multiple paths and directions are possible, and shortcuts open up upon completion.'
Hmm... an open-ended world with amazing sprawling landscape, or an semi-linear dungeon with amazing sprawling...Bosses? yeah. self-explanetory, I think.
But wait! quote from IGN, saying that 'Skyrim will likely heap on TONS of fetchy and to-and-fro quests (if we learned anything from Oblivion)'.
Okay... Oblivion did NOT have 'TONS of fetchy and to-and-fro quests'. It had quite a few, but not neccesarily TONS, and what are IGN to assume that Skyrim will have the same? WAIT UNTILL THE GAME COME OUT!
Assholes... Again.

Problem #4
TIGHT Combat and TRUE Challenge

IGN say that 'Oblivion received ample criticism for loose combat mechanics that lacked a visceral feel...Bethesda has seemingly made many improvements to the play control and combat. Will it be enough? Skyrim combat does feel improved but very similar to Oblivion.'
Oblivion's combat was flawed, I give them that, But that's the style of combat they chose to do. It's been the same for all the Elder Scrolls: Arena, Daggerfall and Morrowind all had the similar hack-and-slash system, the only exeption being the spin-off game, Redguard.

And what does it matter if it's similar to Oblivion? besides, this time you can duel-weld and mix'n'match with spells and shit. IGN also say that 'the game structure of Bethesda's RPGs typically handhold players, clearly outlining what to do next in objective windows and mission paths. Boxes are checked and unchecked on what to accomplish, etc.'

Ahem. And what exactly is wrong with that? If you didn't have Boxes and mission paths you would be screwed wandering the landscape having no f'ing clue where to go.

When it really come's down to, DS and Skyrim are very different games. One is a hardcore dungeon-crawler, and the other is a more stream-lined, chilled back 'Adventure' game. Skyrim is as much of an RPG as Oblivion was. The only RPG part was leveling up, and pretty shallow it was.
So when you try to compare combat systems and 'TRUE' challenge with two COMPLETELY different games, you are gonna get some flack from each other.

Let's talk about DS's way of making 'TRUE' challenge.'You cannot pause the game, and players exploring with their shield down are destined for certain doom.' no, thats just annoying.You can't pause the game? who the flying jizz-monkey came up with that idea? Okay, whatever. I'm not gonna say that Skyrim wins this round, because the games are in fact complete polar opposites.

Problem #5
Dragons!

As we all very'well know, Skyrim has dragons. Lots of them. In fact, they are a part of one of the game's core mechanics, Shouts. Because you are a Dragonborn you can learn the dragon language and use them as special abilites. And yes you did read 'Dragon Language'. Skyrim has dragons that can talk!


Now to be fair, DS has dragons too and apparently, they are way cooler. 'UNDEAD DRAGONS!?!' IGN spowts in ectasy. DS dragons may be cooler, the IGN failed to mention that Skyrim's dragons are smarter. They are completely AI dependant, with no scriping involed.
And besides, how can Skyrim's dragons be 'UNDEAD' when '(the) dragon design is relatively medieval in inspiration, as seen in films like Dragonheart and Reign of Fire.'? Have you ever seen 'UNDEAD DRAGONS!?!' in medieval folk-lore, or in fact, Dragonheart or Reign of Fire? NO! because they are going for the traditional look, and sorry, 'UNDEAD' and crystal dragons don't sound fucking traditional!

I hope I have made my point as clear as an unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. There is NO comparison to be made between Skyrim and Dark Souls. I'm not saying that DS is bad. Infact it look pretty badass. but when you put it up against Skyrim, It just sounds like blasphemy.

When Skyrim comes out, It's gonna make my blade freeze and stick*, and as for Dark Souls... Probably not. I wouldent need another game untill the next TES comes out.

Finally, I've got one more thing to say: Fuck you IGN, You cheap, false, big, fat, hairy, sweaty, monky bollocks! I'm not gonna buy DS if you say so. I'm not gonna trust you on anything you ever say, because your 'comparison' just reeks of cop-out. you fail as critics, and in sense fail at your job and ultimatly, you fail at life.
Okay... nerd rage over. I'm gonna go send a sample of my shit through IGN's mailbox.


*Epic Gladiator joke!